Rants about music I like for various reasons. Maybe even just one reason. Or maybe I just think the song should be getting more recognition than it has been. Either way, I wanna talk about it, so here we are. Always open for suggestions and conversations but please be respectful :D Hope you enjoy!
July 2023 was the height of my obsession with this song. It's like ear cocaine. I've always known what this song was about - it's pretty hard to misinterpret... but even despite the meaning, this singer's voice is beautiful and the song flows so well; it's structured almost too perfectly. Usually there is some element of struggle or tension in the music I listen to... not this one. This is purely for an artificial kick of happiness.
For the majority of my teen years, I was obsessed with this song. One listen to the lyrics, "Desire me so deeply / Drain and kick me hard / Whisper secrets for me / Try to go too far" had me absolutely melting every time it came on, giving any excuse to shut the world out so I could fully experience it over and over again. The beat of this song, especially after the 3-minute mark, goes from a rhythm that sounds like constant reaching or grasping at something far away (it sounds, along with his voice, like broken radio static; looking for a signal to be heard with), to what sounds like a heartbeat. A pulse. Two drum beats, one a little weaker than the other, like, ba-dum, ba-dum. It just awakens every bit of passion inside me. It's like the singer has come back to life, and reclaimed their spot with the other person. They made it.
I also find that this song is very fitting for a long-distance relationship, or when (like I was) you find yourself stranded in another country, with no friends, no supportive family, silently begging that your friends back at home will save your place in their life and not forget you.
Today's gonna feel like tomorrow, someday
Tomorrow's gonna feel like yesterday
(This world is opening up)
(This world is opening up)
Today's gonna feel like tomorrow, someday
Tomorrow's gonna feel like yesterday
I originally had this song saved in Franny's playlist because it aligns with his backstory and its resulting emotions. It was too perfect to ignore - I mean, a song called Mother, My Body Disgusts Me that begins with the line, "Mother, don't come near me"? Perfect. It's as if he has realised that his mother is the source of his pain, and has gained freedom from knowing that he isn't truly disgusting - but since the feelings still linger, they never go away, he utilises this newfound freedom and agency to be a disgusting pervert because that's all he has known. And there is no end, no comfort... just darkness, contempt, and disgust.
The repetition is what really calms me about this song, second to the lyrics. Every strum of the guitar reminds you that the pain you're hearing now is what has already been and always will be embedded in your body, no matter where you are in life now. The shame of it steadily creeps forward with time and only fades away when you're temporarily well enough to ignore it, and then it hits you again with that dreadful noise of the guitar. It feels like it's welcoming me to express my own hatred along with it.
Of course "Mother" could refer to many things. But as someone who has a bit of problems regarding their literal mother, it hits me just right. It is the perfect expression of pain and self-disgust. Battling with the idea of needing and craving the exact thing that hurt you, and hating yourself for that.
This is not filth; this song is what love is.
There are a lot of Mother Mother songs that could take up this spot, for just how incredible and weird and delicately painful so many of their songs are. But I just like this verse because it's relatable.
All my life, oh, all my life
I hurt myself, and cut myself
Put myself through living hell
All so I could feel, what I felt
When you took me in, absolved my sins
With your flesh and skin, use your skin...
It is also relatable to me because I am the type of person who inwardly views everything as a competition and cannot rest until whatever suffering this competition puts me through has made me pure again. I don't even have to win or do a good job necessarily, I just have to have experienced it for myself. I know what my ultimate goal is through these random competitions, but it still doesn't make any sense. It's only with people I love that I can let this feeling go, because I know that they either don't care if I'm "good enough" or will push me to do things in a safe and healthy way.
One of the best decisions I ever made in my life was googling "songs where vocalist cries real". It led me to Glassjaw, Foxing, Christian Death... and this song! It is rare to hear a vocalist refer to a "daddy" or "mommy" in their music, especially in a non-sexual way, but when it happens, it is amazing!!! Those wail-y, guttural sobs and the sound of the singer sucking saliva through his teeth, plus that one, "Daddy, I don't wanna be sick and disgusting!" I just can't get enough of that.
I also really like that it shows how people view their father figures (e.g. teachers, grandparents, literal fathers, etc.) as a sort of god. That's why it hurts so much to feel that you've disappointed your father figure, and makes you feel disgusting and unworthy. And when a father figure was never there, it's natural to want someone to idolise.
This song I enjoy because it sounds like they are making the guitar throw up. It is a disgusting song with breaks of tired, hopeless pleas that go unheard by anybody, like you're struggling to sleep in a silent house.
I was in love with this song from the first time I heard it—like every Depeche Mode song that comes into my life. The lyrics are almost childishly simplistic and Gahan's monotone voice in this song makes it hard to tell his mood—whether he's angry, disappointed, desperate, numb, sad, etc. But I find DM's simple lyrics incredibly charming and accessible. They're so basic that they tap into the barest parts of humanity and its desires. Also, I know this song is canonically about drugs—but I love to interpret it in terms of people letting each other down. The phrase, "Never let me down again," is possibly one of the most striking, fear-inducing, yet inspiring things you can both say and hear from someone you admire, respect or love.
I really want to talk about the point after the second chorus, when the synth begins to sound more "grand" and final as it increases in volume. Just before Martin Gore's vocals come in and Gahan is repeating "never let me down", it's like he's stuck in this disbelieving loop of you let me down, you let me down, neither of us can get over this and this is the end. However, the omission of "again" makes it feel like he's still trying to maintain that he hasn't been let down yet, he can still give the other person one more chance by telling them to never disappoint him—but the sounds and the video show that he's reaching his conclusion. He's spent this entire time feeling so good, having so much fun with this person in his life, but he has to let them go now that they have let him down. Or maybe he has let himself down, and is finally realising that he can't keep punishing the people he's with by expecting them to be perfect and keep him happy all the time. Because having someone expect something impossible of you is a punishment in itself.
The half-step in the "grand finale" section is also extremely potent, it feels like he is tripping over his memories with this person and coming up with positive, happy experiences, reasons why he should stay—but then the longer, darker drags of the synth are continually trying to bring him back down to reality.
I also love how Gore's lines are about the stars and the night—just deepens this sense that it's time to rest from his period of being high all the time. It is nighttime, this is his rest, this is it; he's done.
"Cross your fingers cause you might be my type."
I really like the sarcasm in this line, intentional or not. You've caught the attention of a sadist!! Which means you are gonna be taunted, teased and used all as a form of love, you pitiful thing.
I hope I should be so lucky...
Maybe it's ironic, but this song does help me remember to love myself. I heard the line "I'm the one who makes me so happy, and I want me all just for myself" and it hit me! Yes, I may hate myself a lot, but I'm also the only one who can make me happy. Nobody else's love has ever compared to those fleeting moments of me truly loving myself. It's like I become emotionally invincible. I enjoy learning about myself, and getting along with myself, and leaving other people to be with myself. I want me in my life.
I have a depressing theory that it's because I'm the only one who understands the full extent of my worthlessness, so I know I can trust myself when I find something beautiful about me. Everyone else has been blinded by this manipulation that just seems to be a feature of my existence, so of course I can't believe them when they say I'm nice or pretty or smart. They're under my stupid spell and I can't turn it off, and none of them are able to look past it. But that's okay. Because I know what it's like to not be under that spell; I always will. When I leave people, I gain something - I gain my love. When I stay with people... I lose it.
These people are weird in here
And they're giving me the fear
Just because you know my name, doesn't mean you know my game
I look myself in the face and whisper, "I'm in the wrong place"
Is there more to lose than gain, if I go on my own again?
